I was just told by my Don that the nickname I have been using for the past three months is possibly detrimental to my reputation. There is nothing wrong with the name, Tink means nothing really. It's the association between my nickname and someone elses. That we would become so linked together that people would only see me as that person's sidekick and not as me. That it may very soon, or already may be that people cannot see me for who I am because of my friendship to this other person. My Don said that most of the time, people who become friends with him are given up on almost imediately, they are not expected to be able to do anything with themselves. Not because he is a bad person, but because he teaches people that they don't need to grow up or take on any responsibilities. While embracing your inner child is great and all, there are some choices that must be made, things that do need to change. These are things that he does not believe in, and therefore other people don't believe in them either.
I liked being called Tink because she is so independant. She is above all things an independant person. She takes ordersI have absorbed her into who I am, and now to possibly have to let her go in order to maintain that same independance that she ebodies is hard. I don't want every decision I make to be compared to his. She went as far as to say that some people may think that my decision to go abroad would be because he decided to go abroad as well, even though I decided I wanted to exchange years ago. I cannot let myself be defined by someone else, that is not who I am. I am my own person. I only worry that I may have gone beyond that point, that my reputation has been tarnished, that people have given up on me. I know that I can believe I am independant all I want, but it will take someone else to tell me so. I cannot make this decision by myself.
Who is the real me?